Cartoon: Secret conversation between Goodluck and Ngozi – By Keji Giwa

Secret conversation between Goodluck and Ngozi: President Goodluck: “What is the budget for my government in 2012 please.”

Ngozi: “Please I have not slept all night calculating this thing but here we go:

N280 million for two bulletproof Mercedes Benz saloon 600 E Guard at N140 million each

N356.72 million for new vehicles in the presidential fleet

5 Mercedes Benz 350 (semi plain/partial bullet proof) at N25 million each, 10 jeeps (assorted – Range Rover, Prado and Land Cruiser) at N10 million each, and accessories for these vehicles will cost N25 million

N57.43 million to upgrade facilities at the Presidential Villa

N127.50 million to overhaul power generating sets

N512.385 million to refurbish the family wing of the main residence

N385.35 million for land reclamation at the State House Medical Centre

N101.67 million for the rehabilitation of transformer substation in the villa

N97.95 million for extension/expansion of State House car parks (The more SUVs and cars you accumulate the more ground you need to park them in!)

N108 million for communication equipment at the Villa, Dodan Barracks and vice president’s guesthouse

N36.88 million to rehabilitate presidential/ministerial chalet at the Nnamdi Azikiwe Airport, despite spending/budgeting N48 million for this last year

N52.87 million to rehabilitate 10 presidential houses on Ibrahim Taiwo Street, Abuja, despite allocating/spending N101 million

N530.57 million to rehabilitate the State House and Dodan Barracks, despite spending/allocating N628.64 million this year on the two properties

N357.731 million for repairs and renovation of the administrative building at the Villa, despite allocating/spending N302.29 million on this last year
N62.23 million for the rehabilitation of the banquet hall dome roof, despite allocating/spending N81 million on the roof last year.

N992.57 million for feeding the president and the vice president”

President Jonathan ” Ngozi, biko now, the money never reach now. What of Patience’s English tuition fees”

Ngozi “The school we found said it will take at least 3 years just to unlearn her grammatical errors, 6 months to treat the psychological damage of realising she can’t really speak English. We will really need to double that budget seriously”

President Jonathan: “Eh! Ok, you know you are smart now, how can we do this because it is becoming seriously embarrassing.”

Ngozi: “oh! I know! me! me! me! I know it! Take away the fuel subsidy and we will have more than enough to cover her English, French, Spanish, Danish and even Swahili class. She is our first lady. She must be fluent in all dialects”

President Jonathan: “Haba! haba!! haba!!! you wan kill me.”

Ngozi: “No not you, the people of Nigeria”

President Jonathan: “Oh ok! Fantastic. How to we do it. This is why I like you. You are so so smart it’s incredibly scary”

Ngozi: “We will need to increase fuel prices by 32%. From it’s current N65 to N97 but first you have to play it smart. I mean seriously smart.”

President Jonathan: “But you know being smart is not my strong area. I am better at playing dumb. Why can’t I play dumb and act like I don’t know what is going on?”

Nigozi: “Errrm, ok we will do both. This is going to be a tricky one but no biggy. Aha! I got it. On the 1st day of the year 2012, you will announce over a 100% increase in fuel and tell the nation that you are removing fuel subsidy. Tell them it’s now N140. You will then make up some crazy story about the Cabals taking all our oil and you want to now get rid of them”

President Jonathan: “Men this idea is smart but what’s the purpose”

Ngozi: “Wait now, there will be a public out cry,the people will go mad and protest. be ready to play dumb at this stage, I will tell you when to play smart soon. Then after a series of meetings, you will negotiate at the original N97 we planned anyway. This way it’s a win-false-win situation. We win and the people think they have won too”

President Jonathan: “So when do I play smart”

Nogozi: “Oh, I forgot about that, oh yes, send in the army and clear out the protesters. Anyone who protest, shoot them first then charge them for treason later. Kill a few people. You know Nigerians now, they will scatter and we will be back to normal”

President Jonathan: “O gbele o! This woman you are dangerous o!”

Ngozi: “Anyway, can you sign off the subsidy bill please:”
Oando owned by Wale Tinubu received N228,506 billion

Conoil owned by Mike Adenuga received N37, 960 billion

AP owned by Femi Odetola received N104.5 billion

MRS oil run by Atiko Dangote brothers – Sayyu Dantata received N224, 818 billion

Pinnacle Construction Ltd received N300 billion

Enak oil & gas received N19, 684 billion

Folawiyo oil received N113.3 billion

Obat received N85 billion

IPMAN Investment Ltd N10.96 billion

ACON received N24.1 billion

Bovas & Co. Nigeria Ltd received N5.685 billion

ATIO oil received N64.4 billion

AMP received N11.4 billion

Honeywell – N12.2 billion

EMAC oil received N19.2 billion

D.Jones oil received N14.8 billion

Capital oil received N22.4 billion

AZ oil received – N18.613 billion

Eterna oil received N5.57 billion

Dozil oil received N3.375 billion

FORT oil received N7,585 billion

Integrated oil & gas N30.777 billion

Disclaimer!

This is in no way true and this dialogue never happened however it it only meant to show how insensitive our government has been in dealing with the fuel subsidy matter.

God bless Nigeria